I kept thinking about writing a new blog post since I have some extra time on my hands this time of year and I figured, “well, it’s been a while, give the people what they want, Erin! Tell them about your life! It’s been, what, three months?” And then I logged onto my WordPress and noticed my last post was almost a YEAR AGO. WOW. HOW EMBARRASSING FOR ME! I’M SO SORRY. I’VE BEEN BUSY HAVING A LIFE-CHANGING YEAR.
I’m not angry at you. I’m disappointed in myself.
(In memory of my favorite sassy princess…)
This blog is more for me than you anyway, you probably don’t even read it, so who am I trying to impress? My mom? (Yeah, my mom. Hope you like it, Mom! Call me with notes!)
I could reflect on how crazy this year has been with the election, the celebrity deaths (David Bowie, please add me to that alternate-universe guest list ASAP), and horrible tragedies affecting our world, but it seems like that’s already on everyone’s minds as the year comes to a close soooooooo I’d rather avoid it. As I sit here at my desk at my “new” job (since August) listening to the biggest pop hits from 2016, I thought I’d reflect on my resolutions from Jan 1 2016, how my year went, and what I want to do differently next year. Yep, you did it, you stumbled onto the incredibly typical “final blog post of the year” that every damn white millennial woman publishes to make herself feel accountable and accomplished. So….
- Take vacations: I did! I went to Aruba with my family, New York with my lovely friends, WI with MORE friends, and… that was it. I think. (I didn’t take my Adderall this morning because it keeps me up at night so my memory is a bit spotty). Not as many as I would like, but with a job change, doing a summer show, and money being tight (because I buy too many things) I didn’t have the time to take some of it off for myself. Which was alright, because I did a lot more this year than I ever expected.
However, I did follow that resolution and I let go. Now that I have my weekends free, I turn off my brain to work, letting myself enjoy the time off and releasing the stress of the previous five days so I can be re-energized for the week ahead. It has changed my mindset completely and I am a MUCH happier person in general.
OH! I did go to Wabash, IN with a children’s show, stayed in a creepy old-fashioned bedroom that I’m sure I shared with a ghost, AND witnessed a townie masturbating in the local Walgreens parking lot at 10pm. So, that was something.
2. Listen to my body: I did! Kind of! Or at least I treated it better. I reached one year sobriety on March 1st, I lost about 25lbs in total from the beginning to the end of the year, I went to doctors I needed to and found out a lot of cool, weird shit about myself (if you want to know, just ask… I’m sure I’ll do a separate post about it eventually), and I did a MOTHER FUCKING TRIATHLON! YEAH. I DID. HOLY CRAP.
Of course there are things I could’ve done differently. I could’ve lost more weight, eaten healthier, gotten more than one haircut, drank more water and less Diet Coke, hit the gym more, meditated more than twice, blah blah blah. But truthfully, I think I’ve come pretty damn far this year regarding not only my physical self, but my mental and emotional. My self-esteem is far higher than it’s ever been (although I am a bit embarrassed by the amount of selfies I’ve taken this year), I’m proud of my accomplishments, and I’m already planning on my next goals (which we’ll get to in a moment). So, I hate to do it, but I’m giving myself a big ol’ pat on the back.
3. Continue living a truthful life: I did my best! 2016 was definitely a transformation year for me and it would not have been if I hadn’t been truthful and honest about what I really want and need, both from others and myself. I began to discover what I desired from life and not only did I come to terms with it but I began putting those desires out into the Universe in earnest, hoping they would come back in physical form. I knew that I needed to find a form of fitness that worked for me, that I loved, and that pushed me to a new level, and then I started boxing with the greatest coach I could have (Angelica, please scream at me constantly, it is my greatest motivator). I needed a personal goal that I could work towards over a long period of time, something attainable but challenging, and I signed up, trained for, and ran the Chicago Triathlon with Adam and T2. I wanted to grow my circle of relationships outside of the theatre community and open myself to excitement, butterflies, and potential love, so I went on LOTS of dates. Most were first dates, some were seconds, a few were thirds. I actually made a few new friends, learned a LOT about myself and what I’m really looking for, and am ending the year in the beginning stages of something…. pretty freaking great. Looks like being truthful about what you really want actually works, huh?
4. Make more memories: I bought a Polaroid camera! That helped!
5. Watch more Michael Fassbender movies: Unfortunately, I did not accomplish this. Looks like I’ll have to roll this one over into next yeeaaaarrrr!
My god…..look at him.
So, when it comes to 2017 Resolutions, I have a few of course. They’re more concrete, a bit more challenging, but I’m excited about them nonetheless.
- Accomplish three triathlons, including the Chicago Olympic (1-mile swim, 25-mile bike, 10k run).
- Lose 60 lbs (normally I’d be all “treat your body well, eat whole and natural, be active, don’t worry about the scale” but I know that setting a number for myself pushes me more so… fck da hatrz) over the course of the year.
- Give more positive energy to my relationships, my community, and the universe, and do NOT expect anything in return. This includes being a kinder, more accepting, and loving person, volunteering more of my free time to those who need it, and don’t dwell on the shitty things I cannot change (coughTrump) but focus on those that I can, and really make an effort for change.
- Get out of my head and stop over-analyzing everything. Whether it’s in my relationships, my work, or my personal life, I tend to over-think every damn detail which causes unnecessary anxiety and stress. So I’m learning to take it one day at a time, enjoy what I have right now, and not dwell too much on the future. I’m working on being spontaneous, a little less regimented in my schedule, and accepting of change I cannot control. Yeah, there’s still a stick up my ass, but it’s getting smaller! (that…. that came out wrong…)
- Stick to my GAHDDAMN BUDGET. I spend more than my means. Which means I have no means. So I have to actually budget like a real adult person and not blow every paycheck on restaurants and clothes and shoes and maybe I’ll just buy everything at Target until I max out my RedCard…?
Happy New Year, everyone. I am so grateful we are on this weird, silly stumble through life together and I cannot wait to see what next year brings. Here’s an adorable group of puppies to kick it off right!