I woke up around 4:45am this morning with one thought:
“I DON’T WANNA DO THIS”
This mentality is normal for me. If I find something to be difficult, unpleasant, or inconvenient, I immediately want to give up on it. Why go through it when life is supposed to be fun, full of delicious food and hours of non-exercising? I’ve applied this negative mentality to make health-ventures in my life: Weight Watchers, P90X, step class at 5am, Nutrisystem… if doing it means it has to change my day-to-day routine even a little, or that I can’t every thing I want to eat when I want it, then I end up giving up and going back to my old way. And you know who else has that mindset?
A fucking three year old.
Guess what? I’m a 27-year old adult. My “routine” has not worked for me. My “diet” has not worked for me. My “but I want it THIS WAY” mentality has NOT WORKED FOR ME. In fact, it’s worked against me in a very big (excuse the pun) way. The choices I’ve made in the past have made me who I am today, both good and bad. They’ve also informed the way I look. I wear sunscreen religiously, so my skin isn’t burned or damaged. I cut my hair recently, so it’s healthier and bouncier. And I’ve also eaten poorly and haven’t visited the gym consistently in a while, so I’m overweight. And unhappy. And if I let that little adolescent voice in my brain that’s screaming “FUCK THIS SHIT I don’t wanna eat these healthy foods and I don’t wanna go to the gym and do workouts I’m unfamiliar with and I really DON’T WANNA stick with this for a whole 30 days uuugggghhh MOOOOOMMMMM COME ONNNNNN” win, then I’ll continue to be heavy, unhealthy, and most importantly, unhappy.
So I need to buck up, put that kid in the corner to think about what she’s done, and live my life the way I need to. Because I’m THE ADULT, DAMNIT.
And thank you all for your support. It’s been incredibly helpful and has encouraged me to continue trucking.